At work this morning I was told that I do a pretty good job for a girl. In the afternoon I was asked when I plan to have kids. Are these comments a normal part of life as a woman, and should we accept them as meaningless dribble? Or is there a hidden subtext that suggests women are simply uteruses who happen to hold jobs? Should we challenge these comments the moment they are made and confront the arrogance of the people who make these comments?
I wasn't really offended by the "good for a girl" comment. I was talking to a contractor about my laboratory construction project and I made a remark that illustrated my knowledge of laboratory eyewash plumbing. The contractor was surprised I knew about the speciality valves and remarked, "wow, you are pretty good for a girl." I didn't know how to respond to the comment, I think I mumbled something about how all women in science are good at what they do. It is my job to know about such details, and a man in my position ought to know the same information. However, I imagine if a man with my job revealed his knowledge of eyewash valves, it would not have illicited a, "wow you are pretty good for a guy" comment. The way I see it, the subtext at play in this little comment goes like this: a man is expected to know details related to his job. And women? Well, their details concern trivial matters like which bag goes with which shoes for the right meeting so she looks good for the clients.
The dreaded "when are you going to have kids" question really stung because it came from a male superior who controls my vacation benefits, salary, raises, promotions, etc. I deflected the question, but if I were to answer, "I am going to have kids right away", I can kiss any chance of a raise or promotion goodbye. Despite my excellent grasp of eyewash temperature mixing valves, I wouldn't get a promotion if my manager thought I was leaving to take care of babies. I wouldn't be offered good projects or opportunities for professional development either. If I were to answer "I will never have kids" I can expect to have every single difficult and time consuming project dumped on my desk so that my child-laden coworkers could leave by 5pm. I also know that a colleague's health condition was casually discussed at a recent faculty meeting and I don't want to be another employee who has her empty uterus/kidney stones/breast cancer/immunological disorder/vasectomy discussed at the Institute's monthly business meeting.
Ladies, your thoughts? And the guys (or should I say boys)? Are these comments an annoying part of life that women should accept as normal? Or should we speak up when these stupid comments are dropped?
