Dear Class of 2008

Congratulations on surviving the last 4 years of high school. I admire all of you and your Generation Z-style zeal and passion. Never before has a generation of American children been as overbooked and over achieving as you. I look forward to working with you someday.

I am sure you have already received advice from old Gen X drones like me who have day-in/day-out jobs. It has been 15 years since I graduated from high school, but please indulge me as I offer this advice to you:

It is ok to let go of friends. Online social networking sites (Facebook/Myspace) maintain old ties but sometimes it is better to let a friendship peacefully dissolve during a time of life transition. An indirect departure will make a future spontaneous reunion feel more natural and sweet.

Learn to recognize the Hungry Man. He is the one boss/manager/sales rep/etc. in every job who has an empty ego and isn't happy until you have fed it.

Negotiate. There are a lot of benefits and privileges that appear to be out of reach. But in fact, you can obtain these gems if you can negotiate. It is especially important to negotiate the salary for your first job. It will lock in your earning potential for years to come. If you don't know how to negotiate, start with your room mates and siblings over trivial matters and work your way up to teachers, landlords, salesmen and hiring managers.

Don't study on Friday and Saturday nights. Hang out with your friends.

If you are an eligible candidate, get Lasik surgery. If I had done it years ago I could have saved thousands on consumables and saved the environment from plastic and packaging waste.

You don't need to document everything about yourself. At some point, the novelty wears off and people stop watching. You should be hanging out with your friends anyways, the people who matter already know what you are up to.

People like me Google applicants like you. Anything you upload to the web is indexed, searchable and accessible.

Wear every trendy piece of clothing and accessory you can get away with now. Remember the fashion rule: "you can wear it the first time, but the second time revival is for your kids".

Pick up the phone and call a co-worker or walk over to their cube instead of replying to an email. It cuts down on inbox chatter.

Girls: never label a female co-worker as a bitch.

Boys: dress up. You will never be promoted in flip flops (unless you are a life guard).

Beware that humans are the only animals that will follow a weak or fearful leader. If you find yourself stuck with a bad leader, there are only two outcomes:
1. you will become the leader (either you will volunteer for it or leadership will be forced upon you)
2. you will leave (you will be fired or choose to quit).

Some people make themselves nasty and undesirable on purpose in order to get out of work. They are so terrible no one wants to work with them or will trust them with a project. In essence, these nasties are rewarded for being jerks. Learn to identify them early. Avoid them if at all possible because there is nothing you can do about them.

There are three essential components to a happy work environment:
1. good people
2. good leadership
3. an end result you believe in
If any one component fails you will be miserable.

Learn how to measure things and the best units to describe them (measures of time, savings, clients, publications, products, basically any concept of success and failure). Someday, you will need hard data to stand up for yourself and argue on your own behalf. Having the correct metrics on hand and ready to support your case will prove invaluable.

Enjoy the false sense of competency you feel when you play video games (Guitar Hero) but check it at the door when you arrive at work.

If you are an artsy type person who has your mind set on doing what you love, you will probably starve. It is essential that you study and understand one of the STEM fields (science, technology/IT, engineering, medicine) to survive and gain employment. Use your arsty skills within any one of these domains and you will be comfortable and well rested enough to feed your artsy soul on the evenings and weekends (and maybe during the work day if you are lucky enough to land an artsy STEM job).

When you are faced with a huge decision use the 10-10-10 question....how will this effect me in 10 days/10 months/10 years?

To the class of 2008 I offer this last piece of advice:

Eat more samosas.

Monday Brownie Fallout

I baked two batches of brownies this weekend.

I baked the first batch Saturday afternoon and brought them to a potluck dinner. I was shocked to receive an email Monday morning with the subject Anything But Dessert. The potluck host hated my brownies so fiercely that he took the time to write to me on a Monday morning and request I never bring dessert to his future potlucks.

I baked the second batch of brownies Sunday night for a Monday afternoon meeting. (If I had known my inbox would include brownie hatemail, I wouldn't have bothered). I figured my Monday afternoon brownies would be warmly received because most people need a sugar rush on Monday afternoons. As the brownie pan was passed around the conference table someone remarked "are these better than last time?" I had no idea the last batch of brownies I brought to a meeting were so revolting that they would incite such an acerbic remark.

Both brownie batches and their rude reception illustrate the range of my social interactions in Canada. There is a stereotype that Canadians are polite and I believe this stereotype is unwarranted. I have found that Canadians are just as rude as any other nationalistic identity. It's not just the Monday morning brownie fallout. It's the pushing on the bus. And the slamming doors at work. And the canceled dinner plans. I could go on and on.

My recent rude brownie fiasco leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't ever want to bake another batch. But that shouldn't be a problem because the potluck host has my brownie pan.