Self Esteem Defined

It's a quality. And I define it simply. Reconciling your failures and your successes such that you are left with an overall feeling of pride. Being ok with yourself even though you know you are not perfect.

It's measured by quantity. It's a continuous variable like height or weight. Having too much self esteem is like being morbidly obese. It's unhealthy. People who have too much self esteem calcuate that their goodness is the larger quantity, when in fact they have a legacy of hurtful failures and mistakes. You know who... Braggarts, narcissists, psycopaths, and the reality TV nuts we all love to hate.

Too little self esteem, or none at all, and you are left with an inability to cope with the world. "I'm not smart enough/I'll start after I lose 10 pounds/Why didn't he call?"

How does someone go about attaining a healthy level of self esteem? Does it come from within, or does it come from the love and support of family and friends? Sometimes we're alone in our failures, and sometimes our family and friends prop us up. Our self esteem depends a large part on the company we keep. And if you are unlucky enough to be surrounded by the wrong people, they will tear your self esteem down.

World Mapper

I recently found the website www.worldmapper.org that publishes maps with countries redrawn in proportion to the subject which is studied.

For example, the map above is #201 Girls Not in Primary School. India is the big yellow blob, Africa the orange/pink area while North America, South America, Europe and Australia are shriveled up. This image reflects that Indian girls aren't going to school at the same rate as their 'sisters' around the globe.

Now take a look at map #136 Teenage Mothers. India is as swollen as you would expect a country with unequal access to education would be. But take a look at the United States. That's an awful lot of teenage moms considering that there is more equality in education in the United States.

Click around www.worldmapper.org and you'll see more shrinky dink or swollen maps based on resources, tourism, education, and more. The visual images are surprising and shocking. I found map #133 Female Managers to be the most interesting. Considering that Japan is a tiny country, it has a larger porpotion of female managers than Canada. And at the bottom of the map is the quote "The creation of more role models will bring more women into senior management ..." Lalita Gupte, 2005

The fact that the quote is from an Indian woman drives the point home for me.

Three Strange Things

1. Woke up with one eye bigger than the other today.
2. Saw a unicyclist commuting to work this morning.
3. Got off the bus and there was a disoriented blind man waiting on the curb. He stepped out in front of the bus (yikes!) and the driver honked at him. I offered him my arm and led him back onto the sidewalk and onto the bus.

Strange things happen in threes....

Knitters Saving the Planet

One odd thing about knitting is that often times the finished garment is so kitchy and strange that no one would actually wear it. Browse through Flickr's knitting groups and you will see a wide selection of over-sized pullovers, knitted bikinis and coarsely cabled leg warmers.

But every once in a while you find a pattern that looks great and has social redeeming value too. Like chemo caps or preemie booties. And penguin sweaters. I don't mean sweaters with penguin designs, I mean sweaters to be worn by penguins.

That's right. Hand knitted sweaters for penguins. Today the BBC reports about a group of women who have been knitting sweaters for penguins. These sweaters keep the penguins warm after an oil spill and prevent them from grooming themselves and ingesting the oil. How cute is that?!?

Want the pattern? Visit the Tasmanian Conservation Trust online.

Handshakes

One side effect of being in a new town and going on job interviews is that I am always meeting new people. Inevitably, these first encounters begin and end with a handshake.

Even though I am an American, my family comes from a culture where strangers simply do not touch each other. Indians greet each other with a namaste: by placing their hands together in front of their sternum, resembling praying hands, and they exchange verbal greetings.

'Namaste' is a very elegant greeting because it provides a chance for personal exchange with no risks. You don't have to worry about disease transmission via dirty hands, and it allows for men and women to greet one another without touching. There is equality in the display, as no one is bowing below the other or gripping harder than the other. You would have to be trying very hard to cause a socially awkward namaste. However, it's too easy to mess up a handshake. Squeeze too hard. Hold on too long. Pump too fast. Grab part of the wrist. Stare. Have clammy hands. Or cold hands. And so on. But the namaste is always right.

Whenever I shake hands with someone, I feel very American. It seems so friendly and direct, to touch someone right away, displaying your hands and proving you're not concealing a dagger or weapon. (Although I guess in Texas you can conceal your weapon elsewhere). I am especially aware of this American feeling when I am shaking hands with a man. In general, I don't like touching people, (especially strange men) so whenever I find myself shaking hands with a man I am surprised by the physical touch.

One revelation I have had about handshakes is that some men have a weak handshake. You would think a petite woman like myself would get her hand routinely crushed by men, but some men have wimpy handshakes that resemble flaccid noodles.

Another revelation is that if a man likes a woman he will make up an excuse to offer her a handshake. This is cute and welcome if the guy is sweet and charming, but creepy and unwelcome if he's a lech. Luckily, I have only been greeted by the cute-guy handshake once, and I kinda liked it. I had to give him credit...it's a creative strategy for flirting.

A lot of women have a handshake equal to mine. Only one woman has ever increased the squeeze of her handshake after the initial two up and down pumps. I took that to mean she wanted to go ghetto on my ass in the parking lot later that afternoon. I have avoided her ever since.

Once, my husband and I made a bet and we spontaneously agreed to 'shake on it'. Immediately afterwards he smiled and praised me for having a warm, firm handshake. I think that one handshake says a lot about our marriage.

I am lucky to have nice hands. My hands are good at delicate tasks like knitting and microscopy, and my addiction to moisturizer leaves them soft and smooth. If I had gummy hands or clammy hands or giant paddle hands maybe my first impression would leave people feeling icky. But I have womanly hands in proportion to the size of my body and I like to think I give a warm, friendly handshake to everyone I meet.

The best part about a handshake is the moment after you have locked hands and look up into the eyes of your partner and are rewarded with a smile and the classic eye crinkle. In men this makes them appear boyish and happy, and women appear relaxed and comfortable.

If I had to choose between exchanging namastes or handshakes I would have to choose the handshake. Sure, handshakes are riskier, but I find that for the most part they are harmless. The exchange is brief, but the information garnered is valuable. And it sure beats exchanging long strands of protein.

Doppelganger

A doppelganger is someone who looks like you, a clone or a twin, and legend has it that everyone has a doppelganger somewhere out there. The myth suggests that your doppelganger is the evil, dark side of yourself, and should you ever meet your doppelganger, you are sure to die.

If that is true, it's a good thing I have never met my doppelganger. I went to college at a big midwestern university, and somewhere on that campus was a girl who looked exactly like me, or at least that's what all my friends used to say. They all claimed to have seen my doppelganger exiting the life science building or eating in the union, always at times when I was in class or hanging out in my dorm room.

Here in Canada I have noticed a few doppelgangers resembling friends whom I have left behind in the States. Several times now I have witnessed a doppelganger while shopping or riding the bus. These doppelgangers always make me pause, stare and marvel that there is someone in Canada who is a dead ringer for a former coworker, friend or neighbor living in California.

Sometimes these doppelganger sightings are mingled with the creepy feeling of deja vu. Occasionally, I find myself meeting someone new who reminds me of someone from my past. Usually this feeling is triggered by an intangible chemistry. Sometimes the feeling is triggered by a visual memory, maybe they have the same eyes, posture, or mannerisms as an old boss or classmate. I find myself easily slipping into a rapport with these new people, as if I have known them forever. For the most part I find these doppelganger interactions to be positive.

With one exception.

I recently met a woman who completely disgusted me right off the bat. Why such a strong aversion in such a brief encounter? Because she reminds me of a know-it-all from high school. This poor Canadian woman has no history with me, but I can't bring myself to even look at her, much less talk to her, simply because she reminds me of someone I used to dislike.

So it goes with our personal histories. I find myself trying to make friends with the same type of people I have always been friends with, and avoiding the same people who have always grossed me out.

As for doppelgangers, I do believe they exist. My friends have seen my doppelganger and I have seen theirs. Perhaps there is a cosmic rule that prevents you from seeing your own doppelganger, not so much to protect you from the death omen, but rather to prevent you from seeing yourself as your friends see you. For if we really knew the difference between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us we might be too shocked, nervous, or embarrassed to be our true selves.

Creativity

Shrimp
Originally uploaded by nanodudek.

I have been thinking a lot about creativity lately, and then I found this article about researchers who have created bandages made out of shrimp exoskeletons.

Now that is a good example of creativity.

I find that conceiving fresh, new ideas is a bigger challenge now that I am in my 30s compared to my teens and 20s. How much does age have to do with creativity? Are younger people naturally more creative?

The easy answer is yes, but I think in reality, it's not so simple. Most of the creative ideas I had in my late 20s were shot down by my bosses, co-workers, management, etc. etc. As a survival skill and self protection mechanism, I learned to internalize a lot of my ideas. Now, when I come up with an idea, suggestion or solution, I stop and consider whether it is worth the effort to take it further. I think the true loss of my creativity has been self-censorship, followed by a lack of advocacy of my creative ideas on my own behalf.

So, now that I am aware of the creativity-zapping sinkhole that is the typical workplace, I am trying to figure out a compromise. How can I best use my creativity in a culture that wants to squelch it?

The shrimp researchers have proven that it is possible to be creative within the confines of a government sponsored research project, so surely I should be able to inject some creativity into my workdays too.

Maybe not with shrimp, but I have worked with potatoes, worms and mice. So be on the lookout for a nutrionally complex tater tot coming to your cafeteria soon.

Life's Little Victories Feb. 2007

(inspired by The K Chronicles )

• Wearing something new and all the ladies at the office notice it and give you compliments.
• Hogging down on the last of the BBQ kettle chips before your husband can get to them.
• Arriving at the bus stop at the same time as the bus...no waiting!
• Your hometown loses the Superbowl but your college state wins it.
• Placing an ad on Craigslist and getting a good deal (I am bartering knitting lessons for photography lessons).
• Getting an email from a long lost friend.
• These Canadian stamps that will be redeemable forever, regardless of what you paid for them in the past.
  YES!