Treats for you

Happy Halloween, everybody! It is my favorite holiday of the year, and here are some treats for you. Thanks for visiting my blog and keeping in touch with me from so far away.

First let's look at some Halloweeny-type pictures from the UBC Zoology Department's pumpkin carving contest:





Oooh, aahhh, aren't they spooky and creative?

And here's a photo to show the first frost of the year, it couldn't have come at a better time. I love Fall! It is cold, but the air is clean and crisp and the trees are bee-yoo-tee-full!

PLUS...here is a link to a story at NPR about how a Sri Lankan woman was first introduced to the American tradition that involves begging at your neighbor's door for food while dressed up like a gangster.

I woke up yesterday and it was 1C, or about 34F. It reminded me of growing up in Chicago and having to wear a bulky jacket over my costume every single Halloween. Then I started daydreaming about candy and waxing nostalgic about what Halloween feels like for a kid. I would hoard the good candy for months and throw out all the cheap stuff or pawn it off to my sister. (I am pretty sure she doesn't remember this and I don't think she reads my blog either, so this is just between you, me, and the internet.) Here's my list of the best and the worst loot a kid could expect growing up in the 80s:

The Best:
1. Any regular or jumbo sized chocolate bar. Whoever handed out these generous candy bars were Gods and word always spread quickly which house was giving out the mother lode. No "fun sized" cheapy mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups at that house, you would walk away with a package of FOUR Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and there was no chance you were sharing with anyone. MINE. ALL MINE.
2. Hershey's chocolate with almonds
3. Kit Kat, Twix, Three Musketeers, M&Ms, Peanut Butter Cups and Snickers rounded out the chocolate category
4. Smarties, pixie sticks and Nerds came in a distant fourth in the pure sugar competition
5. Bubble gum or chewing gum of any variety, even if the taste lasted only 3 minutes, the wrappers were fun and I was a bubble blowing addict

The Worst
1. Candy corn
2. Pennies and nickles
3. Raisins
4. Mike and Ike's and/or Good 'n Plenty
5. That weird peanut butter taffy that came wrapped up in the waxy orange or black paper

Now it's time for you to share.....what are the best and the worst treats from your Halloween past? (You don't need to register to leave a comment.) Have a great Halloween and eat lotsa candy!

It's Time to Fall Back

It is that time of the year when you really dread waking up in the morning. It is dreary dark outside and you can't bear to drag yourself out of bed. You have to turn on all the lights in the house, get ready for work, spend the entire day inside, and then drive home in the dark. The traffic always stacks up on the first Monday of Daylight Saving Time as if no one has ever driven in the dark before. When you finally get home you spend the entire evening on the couch surfing the web or watching TV. Sigh.

There are some bonuses, however: cozy fleece, homemade soups, knitting for hours while watching DVDs, carving pumpkins and eating leftover Halloween candy. Here in Canada, we observe Daylight Saving Time the same as in the states. Canada is so huge it has six time zones, Pacific, Mountain, Central, Eastern, Atlantic and Newfoundland. One funny thing about Newfoundland is that it's time zone is on the half hour. When it is 5:00 am in Vancouver, BC, it is 9:30 am in Newfoundland. (Seriously, I am not making this up .) That is because Newfoundland happens to lie on half of the time zone. So, if you are in Newfoundland and want to call someone in British Columbia and not use a single daytime minute, you could call them at 6:30 am Newfoundland time, which would be 2 am in Vancouver (but that would make you a no-talent booger clown). Or, if you lived in Vancouver and couldn't wait for the finale of Survivor:Race Wars you could call your Mom in Newfoundland and find out what happened.

Once, I was living alone in graduate school and accidently set my clock one hour forward. It was one of the longest days of my life, as I was studying for my pre-thesis defense at the time. That mistake gave me two extra hours for studying, but I spent it watching The Brady Bunch and Animal Planet. It's funny how when you have time on your hands you waste it, and when you are pressed for time you try to save it.

Have a safe drive home from work on Monday and don't forget to check the batteries in your smoke detectors.

The Man of the Mountain

Check out this unusual formation in Alberta on Google Maps. Notice anything unusual? It looks like a Native American man wearing a head dress and a white Ipod ear bud! Pretty nifty, eh? It reminds me of the face on Mars. Or the $28,000 grilled cheese Virgin Mary sandwich. Or the Jesus fish stick. Ok, that's enough diversions. Now get back to work.

Why I Support the SPCA

Every April when I do my taxes, I also make my charitable contributions. One charity that I support is the SPCA. Why do I support the SPCA when there are so many worthwhile charities to choose from? Because of jerks like this Ontario man who tried to castrate his dog with a piece of sharp glass.

This asshole thought his puppy might be a hermaphrodite so he cut her open with a piece of glass in the search for testicles. Then, he left her to heal on her own without any stitches, antibiotics or medical care. Thanks to the Ontario SPCA, he will never own a dog again and his puppy has been adopted.

Why was that asshole searching for testicles? I presume because he doesn't have any balls himself.

The Proposition Song

Today is the last day to register to vote in the Nov. 7th elections. I already have my absentee ballot to mail from Canada, but no information about the propositions. So, I went to http://calvoter.org to find out about the THIRTEEN propositions on California's ballot and found this corny song. It doesn't help me decide how to vote (my default is to vote NO on all propositions) but it is amusing anyway. How are you Californians going to vote this year, if you don't mind me asking?

Happy Diwali!

Today is the Indian holiday Diwali.I hope you all have a great day! Light some candles, wear your brightest colors and have a samosa or two : )

The Life of Pi by Yann Martel

What happens when you put a Hindu, a Christian and a Muslim in a lifeboat and leave them to float about the Pacific Ocean for 277 days? It sounds like the setup for an offensive joke, but add a hyena, orangutan, zebra and a tiger and you have the story of Pi Patel as told in The Life of Pi by Canadian author Yann Martel.

I loved this book on so many different levels I don't know where to begin.

Since I live in Canada I figured I should be doing something to absorb Canadian culture. My first tack is to find the iconic Canadian samosa (I am still working on it). My second tack is to read books by Canadian authors.

Unlike Surfacing by Margaret Atwood, the Life of Pi has nothing to do with America or what lousy, dirty neighbors Americans are. (It is an ugly truth, but one thing that defines Canadian culture is a seeming resentment towards America. More on this in another blog someday). Instead, the Life of Pi is the story of an Indian family immigrating to Canada. (Sound familiar? Scroll down to read my recent post about Indian immigration).

In Part I of the novel, the reader learns about the Patel family. The patriarch of the family is a zookeeper and he has taught his son Pi the essentials of the trade. Meanwhile, the young, Hindu Pi is fascinated by religion and becomes a Muslim and a Christian too. Pi truly believes he can be all three religions at once. The family departs India on a cargo ship loaded with animals and the ship sinks. The survivors are a random lot: the boy Pi, a hyena, an orangutan, a zebra, a rat, cockroaches and a Bengal tiger.

In Part II, the animals eat one another (the order in which this happens is a suspenseful page-turner) until just Pi and the tiger remain. Pi must overcome his fear of the beast, as well as his Hindu aversion to eating meat, in order to survive.

I don't want to write too much about what happens because I want you to go out and read this book. After you are done with the book you will find yourself asking these questions:

What's in a name, and does it define us?
Was God watching over Pi, or was he just lucky?
What would I do if I was stranded in the ocean? Would I try to eat tiger poo?
Are there really carnivorous floating meercat islands in the Pacific Ocean?

Yann Martel expertly captures the details of India; Hinduism, Indian families, Indian cuisine and customs are flushed out with truth and accuracy, not to mention the zoological details of the novel are correct and entertaining. PLUS, this book is funny and uplifting. So, if you are looking for a fun and suspenseful book to read, go out and get a copy of The Life of Pi.

Would you like fries with that?

The power of suggestion is no big secret. McDonald's uses it to sell french fries and super size meals. Maybe you had no desire for french fries and a 72 ounce Coke, but when the cashier prompts you for it, it seems like a good idea.

Today researchers at the University of British Columbia published an article in Science (subscription required) that demonstrates the negative power of suggestions, stereotypes and the serious impact they can cause when linked with scientific authority. You can also read about it in the Vancouver Sun.

In the UBC study, immediately before they took a math exam women were told that men are genetically predisposed to excel in math . The control groups consisted of test takers who were told a neutral statement, or a statement that claimed men's mathematical aptitude was due to social upbringing. The women who were served the male genetic superiority argument did significantly worse on the exam than the two control groups.

The popular press might have the public believing that there is a gene for everything: homosexuality, IQ, vandalism, grooming, parenting, body weight, you name it. It is so easy to accept the idea that our fate is determined by our genomes. Why wake up early and go for a run when your genes demand that you be fat? You are better off staying at home eating Tim Horton's (Canadian donuts)!

But the truth is that genes and their environment interact to create the amazing diversity of life we see around us. The message that women can't be good at "x" (insert math, driving, sports, etc. here) because they don't have the genes for it is bunk. Just as the message that men can't be compassionate or caring because they lack "mothering genes" is bunk too. Here's a crazy idea.....how about offering equal opportunities and encouragement to everyone and watch as we all excel?

Now imagine a world where there is a gene for superior samosa frying ability. Which chromosome would that map to, and could I get a genetic supplement?

The Samosas are Coming!

Today the Vancouver Sun had a short article about Indian immigration to Canada.

Walking around Vancouver you can see that many citizens are Chinese, but a new report suggests that this trend is about to change.

India's middle class can speak English, while their technical aptitude and industrius spirit makes them valuable contributors to the global ecomony. Hence, it comes as no surprise that Indians are suitable applicants for immigration to Canada.

It's a good thing for Canada, as I have been here for about six weeks and haven't found the quintessential Canadian samosa. Perhaps a new generation of Canadian-born Indians will invent the perfect recipe that captures the essence of Canada in a few small bites.

Meet Mr. Meaty

CBC is Canada's version of NPR and PBS. They produce and broadcast all kinds of smug, cerebral news and documentaries that you only listen to when you are stuck in traffic or if nothing else is on TV. It is pretty good stuff for the most part, and I always feel smart and proud after listening to it. Until today.

CBC TV offers a new show for kids called Mr. Meaty. If you have ever seen Veggie Tales, then Mr. Meaty would be its polar opposite. It's about two teens who work at a burger joint. Here is an episode from youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8xJPJVcSOY













I am really impressed that Canadian public broadcasting could come up with something so one dimensional. I always thought that Canada tried to stay neutral and avoid offending anyone's sensibilities (except the Americans, it is ok for Canadians to talk smack about them). But with CBC's Mr. Meaty, we have the theme song singing about "all God's creatures fresh off the grill".

Right off the bat we have the religious right on the warpath and all the militant vegetarians in an uproar. Confounding the political incorrectness of Mr. Meaty is the fact that the puppets are coarse and ugly as well as the overall tone of the program is just plain stupid. Finally, I understand why the taxes are so high in Canada. It must be really expensive for public television to come up with something so foolish. I am sure they had to hire an outside consultant.

There is a history of quality children's programming in Canada . Canadian TV gave American youth "You Can't Do That On Television". Thanks to Nickelodeon, American kids from my generation were able to enjoy gross-out TV that the youth of Canada took for granted. Shouldn't it be the same for this new generation and Mr. Meaty? You frigging Americans can catch Mr. Meaty on Nickelodeon .

Finders Keepers

I have complained about the Canadian banking industry before, and here it goes again.

My bank, Scotia Bank, charges for every single transaction they can: ATM fees, minimum balance, transfers, paper statements, monthly fees, teller transactions, inactive accounts, blah blah blah. Basically, the only time you won't get dinged by the bank is if you make a deposit. But if you dare try to use your hard earned money, you will get penalized. Thanks to all the fees and the absent or abysmally low interest rates, the Canadian banking customer LOSES money by keeping it in the bank.

But an Edmonton man who discovered $18,000 jammed into his post office box may be onto something. Why lose money by keeping it in the bank? Just keep it piled under your mattress or stuffed into your mailbox!

Anyway, an Alberta court ruled "finders keepers" and the lucky guy gets to keep the entire $18,000. If he is smart he will keep it in the post office box, because if he is foolish enough to put it in the bank he will end up with $18.32 after all the fees.

Girls Gone Wired

The CBC reports what all my girlfriends and I already know........we'd rather have a new digital camera than a pair of strappy stillettos.


An Oxyen Media survey (go, Oprah!) found that women would rather buy a plasma TV, new cell phone or new digital camera than jewelry and clothes. This 'trend' has been apparent for decades now. I am in a cohort of women that grew up with a Commodore 64 in the house, isn't it obvious that we would be using gadgets in our adult life for fun and work?

It always bugged me that Carrie Bradshaw used an ancient Mac laptop to write her columns. That episode where she lost all her files because she didn't have a backup simply didn't make sense to me. What, she can't even burn a CD? What kind of writer is she? She gets a huge book advance and she buys her boyfriend a designer shirt? Are you kidding me, where are your priorities?

Carrie, honey, strap on your damn Jimmy Choos, sashay into Best Buy, buy a new laptop, a cake box of CDs and backup your life's work! Then come on out and join your wired female brethen as we take over the world!

Happy Thanksgiving!

( Lala the dog is #7 on my Thankful list.)

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving. Why so early? The Autumn harvest occurs earlier in Canada due to its Northern location. Other than the date, the rituals and habits of Canadian Thanksgiving are similar to the Americans' holiday.

Every Thanksgiving we are asked to reflect a little bit and think about all the things we are thankful for. So, here goes, I am thankful for:

1. The opportunity to live in Canada.

2. This early Thanksgiving that squelches the madness and hysteria that is the American Christmas shopping season. Thanks to this early October date, there's no hype, no sales, no lines, and no crowds!

3. CBC 2, which is playing Yo Yo Ma all afternoon today.

4. Red FM 93.1, which plays Hindi language programming all day long, so I can practice my Hindi.

5. My first real Autumn in six years, complete with falling leaves, starry skies, and nights so crisp and cool that I had to put the flannel comforter on the bed.

6. My cute Kitsilano apartment. Despite the nose bleed rent, I am lucky to be living in a nice neighborhood.

7. My neighbor's old dog. She provides all the pleasure of having a dog greet you when you come home, without any of the work.

8. Good health and provincial health insurance should I need it.

9. A break from the grind that was my NorCal lifestyle (commute, work, chores, etc.) It is nice having time off to explore Canada and really enjoy life.

10. Finally, I am thankful to all my friends and family who have written and called me and wished me good luck during my big move. Moving here has been lonely, but less so thanks to all of you!

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Nickled and Dimed

Out of Province mandatory inspection
$48.00 (I failed the inspection because my tires were too old)

New tires and installation
$360.00

Tire tax
$20.00

Hazardous materials tax
$8.68

Decal
$6.00

Goods and Services Tax
$27.08

Provincial Sales Tax
$31.60

Basic Provincial Insurance
$811 (200k liability covers only the other party's vehicle)

More Provincial Insurance
$103 (For my vehicle)

Provincial Collision Insurance
$335 ($500 deductible)

Provincial Comprehensive Insurance
$134 ($500 deductible)

License fee
$53

New plate fee
$18

Registration fee
$18

TOTAL
$1973.36

The Canadian government having exclusive control, possession and monopoly of the auto insurance industry.....................PRICELESS.

Pardon My French

My initial confusion with Canada's bilingual and metric packaging has been replaced with amusement and wonder.

Who would have thought that in Canada, Rice Krispie's iconic trio would be renamed Cric Crac Croc? Do the French really not understand Snap Crackle Pop? Is this just demographic pandering on behalf of Kellog's Corporation? If they must translate "Snap Crackle Pop", why didn't they translate the word "Crispy"? Or "rice" for that matter?

Here is another (more logical) example from Eggo Waffles... "Leggo my eggo" is sloppy slang which doesn't really translate, so it becomes "regal egale eggo" (I think it means eggo the regal treat?)

I never noticed that Eggos don't have a cartoon sponsor like Tony the Tiger, so instead they have a waffle dude with a waffle face and a waffle stack body. In essence, the English eggo man is saying "don't touch me" and the French one is saying "I am a treat". Possibly an indicator of deeply rooted cultural identities?

Where is the Love?

I'm feeling hurt by Canada these days.

I just finished a novel by one of Canada's most beloved authors, Margaret Atwood. The title is Surfacing, and it is about a woman who returns to her family's lake house to search for her missing father. One prevalent theme of Surfacing is the hate Canadians have towards Americans. Not just feelings of bitterness or resentment. I am talking about hate.

It's no big secret the world hates Americans. Why? The Iraq War. Jon Benet Ramsey. Violent Hollywood movies. The Kyoto treaty. Michael Jackson. Torturing prisoners. Afghanistan. Kevin Federline. Carbon emissions. Survivor: Race Wars. Tainted spinach. Blah blah blah, so many offenses, so little time.

But get this America-haters: there is an enormous disconnect between American pop culture, foreign policy and the identities of individual Americans.

Sure, we have a weakness for trashy television and trans fats. We like to crunch popcorn and slurp our 72oz. Coke buckets while texting our co-workers back at the office so we can catch a matinee of Jackass Number Two.

Be we are also a nation of people who will donate money to the Red Cross after a Tsunami. Or volunteer at the animal shelter after a long day of work. Or travel the world to learn about other cultures (yes, we do travel a lot, especially to Canada, but after 9/11 we got too scared to leave the house).

The heavy handed swagger of American foreign policy and the sticky sexiness of American media does not represent ME nor does it represent the identity of 300 million other Americans who are just trying to make it through life.

I don't know a single American who harbors hard feelings towards Canada. We adore you guys. Why can't you return the love?